Dear Diary: Christmas is over

Dear Diary: Christmas has been and gone. I can’t use it as an excuse anymore. No more pavlova for breakfast [okay I only did this once]. Actually I didn’t go to over the top this year which is a bonus. I think I am getting better at actually listening to my body and what it needs, I definitely don’t have it completely under control but I am getting there. I feel like I am starting to make better choices because I want to, not because I have to. And that in itself is a giant leap in the right direction.

2015 in Review.

The other day a pal on twitter shared a buzzfeed link... Sounds like the start of a modern day joke perhaps, but actually I am going somewhere with this. It was just before I thought about writing a little round up of 2015. Seems to be the standard thing to do in the blogging sphere. I didn't want to simply just write about the last year. Its been a big year, a lot has happened. There have been significant ups and downs, beginnings and endings, there has been a lot, and I honestly after my personal reflection I made the decision not to share it all here because you know, sometimes you just need to have stuff for yourself.

Merry Awkward Christmas

So, I have left this to the last possible day to post. I dunno about you, but the silly season really hit this year for me. December has been madness…. utter madness. Honestly I am not entirely sure why either, but there seems to have been a culmination of a hundred tiny things that have just snowballed into Christmas madness. I only finished my Christmas shopping last night. Normally I am a finished by early December kinda girl. It has thrown me a little bit, but hey, life tends to do that every now and then. But of course, I found time to do something a little bit... well... silly this silly season. The mister and I got our portrait taken. I don't think I really even need to write anything... you can just look at them and admire how awesomely awkward we are...

Dear Diary: Week One

I've written week one, more times than I wish to admit. But this time something feels different. I have probably written that before too. But, I can honestly, cross my heart, say that something is changing and it feels pretty amazing. Maybe its because I bought my wedding dress... maybe its because I have learnt so many lessons this time I am so well equipped, or maybe its because I am sick of writing week one over and over. But there is definitely a different feeling about this one. And honestly, it is making me feel excited as all hell.

1095 days together

1095 days is a long time. Its around 156 weeks. Its 36 months. Its 3 years. And today, when I get home from work, I get to celebrate the fact that for the last 3 years, me and this guy have officially been together. We have laughed, and cried together. We have partied for birthdays, and travelled for holidays. We have supported each other through some really tough times, and celebrated the wins along the way.

A new look.

It is hard to believe that 882 days ago I wrote my very first post on Hello Tillie. It didn’t say a lot, but it marked the beginning of something that has evolved into a really important part of my life. It would be safe for me to say that I am probably not quite where I thought I might have been all those days ago, but I am certainly in a different position. Life has this funny way of working things out for you. If you had asked me back in June 2013, I can almost with 100% certainty say that life wouldn’t look like it does now. But you know, sometimes that is for the best.

One of those weeks.

You know that ones. The low one. The ones that end with days like today. You know, the one where all you want to do is cry and eat junk food and you just want it to be different. You want to wake up and not have this stupid comfort relationship with food. You want to wake up eat your eggs, have a salad for lunch and your grilled chicken and veges for dinner and feel satisfied and happy. You want to work out and feel accomplished. But all you can do is sit there and feel like all of that is too hard and maybe you are never ever going to change the person you have become. I have a lump in my throat as I type this. Because I am ashamed that my fingers are finding their way to these keys. But I also don't want to hide this feeling away because its real, and its my reality right now. I don't know how to change it. I honestly have no idea. Nothing sticks, and its hard. It's so fucking hard. And I get it, it isn't meant to be easy, but I swear to whoever is out there watching over us, that it shouldn't have to be this fucking hard.

This week on instagram

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