Apparently I needed to buy a swimsuit

With the first day of spring having just sprung, I realised that summer is really right around the corner, and more importantly for me, our holiday was only 30 days away. I planned on sipping cocktails, reading books and swimming. There was only one problem to this perfect scenario… I don’t really have anything acceptable to wear in the pool. The last time I bought swimwear was in about 2009. I still have that suit. Its black, and had “tummy control” and it has done the job for the fleeting moments I have had to wear swimwear in the last 5-6 years. I don’t know about you, but I have never been a fan of wearing togs. Honestly I don’t actually know many people who do; it’s basically like wearing underwear in public. [this sums it up so well] So while you won’t find me sporting a bikini any time soon [no matter what my size] you also aren’t super likely to find me rocking a one piece while I am laying by the pool either. And that has nothing to do with my size, and everything to do with the fact that I just don’t like exposing myself like that. Shorts and a tank top… no problem. Underwear in public… yeah right!

So with our upcoming holiday less than a month away, I knew I needed to take action. It’s safe to say I was not excited about heading the shops in search of a piece of lycra that was almost 100% guaranteed to make me looked like a beached whale. I wasn’t holding onto any hope that I was going to find anything I liked, let alone anything that was going to be okay enough for me to buy so that I could go swimming on holiday.

I am pleased to report that I was pleasantly surprised by the whole experience. We went to target first. Because you know, target. They had just released their new swimwear for the season, and it wasn’t ugly. Shock. Freaking. Horror. I grabbed a few different styles and heading to the changing room. So far so good. But let’s be honest, seeing it on a size 8 mannequin can be significantly different to seeing it on my not size 8 body. So I was still pessimistic that I would be walking out of the store with anything. The first one was bad. It was red and white polka dots. I looked like a strawberry. It also lacked support and anyone with a chest size bigger than a C cup knows just how important support in swimwear is [can I get an amen sisters?] Then… one … was … good. Holy shit. It fit well, it supported me well. It covered everything that needed to be covered, but was also a little bit playful. I liked it. Sure, I didn’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model but I didn’t hate what I saw. I bought it. It was a miracle.

I made a quick stop on the way back to the car into City Chic. Of course, they had just realised their new line of swimwear too. One caught my eye. It was bright, bold and playful. It looked sexy. Not a word I would normally use to describe myself in swimwear, but I was feeling positive after buying one piece… so I tried it on, along with some super cute little black poolside shorts. And I freaking loved it. The panels were in all the right places to flatter my shape, the support was excellent, the straps were adjustable, and I felt good. Back up… Yes, I just said, I felt good in a swimsuit. I came out of the changing room and called Greg around to have a look. He liked it. And then the shop assistant saw me. She told me I looked amazing. I couldn’t believe that I felt comfortable standing in a store, in a swimsuit. You better believe I whipped out the credit card and bought that sucker too.

I wanted to write this post, not to boast that I bought swimwear. It really is a whole lot bigger than that. If I had of gone into the same shops, and found the same garments 6 months ago, the outcome would have been completely different. I have realised so much that I am exactly who I am and that there is no point trying to hide that. I am really starting to embrace myself in a much more loving and positive way. I am challenging myself out of love and health not out of hate and force. I am succeeding far better than I have in the past because it doesn’t feel like a punishment. Standing in that store in a one piece swimsuit, with a stranger commenting that I looked great, made me feel awesome. But what made me feel even more awesome was that fact that before she said anything, I already felt awesome because I had allowed myself to have a positive experience. Sure I could of stood there and pointed out the wobbly bits, trust me there are a bunch of them, but when you shift your vision to the positives in the situation, well life just looks a whole lot different.


  1. Oh this post made me happy! Sorry it took so long to get around to reading!
    I also have the same problem with swimsuits. But I found one at Kmart the first week we landed in NZ and I still absolutely love it. It's got this neck thing going on and it's in the most amazing shade of royal blue.
    It makes me sad that people that aren't a size 8 feel awkward and uncomfortable getting into a swimsuit and getting into the water. The water is amazing and everyone should love being in it (especially when it's warm enough!)

    Great read Tillie.
    You write so beautifully :) x

    1. Thanks for the comment Sam! Its such a hard one to find the right suit, so I am totally stoked I got too! I am sure some pictures will surface when we get back from paradise!


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